I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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