Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
