I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
