I got chris browned last night
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
