4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
