I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
