Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
