If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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