yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
