I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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