i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
