so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
