Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
