don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
