I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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