He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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