I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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