Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
