just tell him i said nine months
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
