I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
