Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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