He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
