I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
