I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
