I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
