...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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