you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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