At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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