yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
