i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
