I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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