she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
