new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
