You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
