You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
