I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
