My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
