is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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