Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
