You made me cry and you don't even care
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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