why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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