Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
