Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have aggressive nipples.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think my moral compass just broke
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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