I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Who died my cat blue again?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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