Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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