why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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