i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
