her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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