just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
