what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
