I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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