I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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