My underwear smells like fireworks.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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