She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
