Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
