I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
