I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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