Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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