i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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